i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
