just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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