Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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