If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
