Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
