She's JV to your varsity
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I smell like Dick and happiness
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
