uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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