he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
