I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
