I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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