i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how drunk are you?
Several
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize