...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize