He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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