I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize