The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
