Can Purell be used as lube?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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