My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just pee around me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
