you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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