I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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