Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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