I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize