God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
