a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize