remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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