I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
