Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Can you bring me the toilet please
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
