Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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