1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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