I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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