It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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