You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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