Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize