Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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