One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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