YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
