I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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