"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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