from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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