My brain says no but my pants say off.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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