He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
