Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
