had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
this hospital has no fireball
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
