I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
