last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
