You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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