I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
