Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
