And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize