I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
