and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just gargled with NyQuil
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
