My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
