So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
