just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
