I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
