dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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