this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's blow job season.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
