i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
