once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
