I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
