I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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