You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
