I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize