my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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