I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
