I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
