Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
