do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
