hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
