I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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