Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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