so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
