Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
