I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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