I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
