I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize